Match Making For Boomers: How to Connect With an Emotionally ...

Learning how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man is like learning how to gain the trust of a beaten dog:

One of my dogs, Pumpkin, is a li'l feisty chihuahua I found one morning under a car by my house. She was covered in fleas and very frightened. I brought her into my home and she became my third furry, canine companion. She was not, however, the sweet, eager-to-please pup that dog lovers cherish. She was growly, distrusting and distant. She didn't allow my other dogs near her. One of my dogs is a li'l macho Jack Russell terrier mix and he's a real bruiser. My other dog is a sweet hearted chihuahua mix who is very polite and doesn't know a stranger. Li'l Pumpkin warmed up right away to my chihuahua mix and not to my Jack Russell mix. Why? Because my Chihuahua mix invited Pumpkin to come closer, as opposed to my Jack Russell mix who constantly tried to bruise his way into her space.

If you are loving an emotionally unavailable man who remains at a distance, isn't emotionally open, and who has admitted distrust in women, it's best you extend an unspoken invitation to know you and come close instead of try to "pull" love out of him like fingers from a Chinese finger cuff. Just like a Chinese finger cuff, his love will resist your advances.

How do you invite an emotionally unavailable man to come closer?

You do 2 things: you sit on your hands and you remain emotionally open to receiving his love.

Everything has to be on his terms as far as how close he comes to you. Wanting to see you, be around you, hold you, know you, caress you, let you inside his heart and soul... it's all got to be on his clock or he won't trust you and will even feel resentful. If you can handle this dynamic where he is in control of the speed of the relationship and you want to further pursue a connection, it's best you stop yourself every time you want to shorten the gap between you both. So no: calling him, touching him to force a connection, seducing him with sexy texts and photos, inviting him to concerts of his favorite band...

Instead, you let him come to you. You remain?patient and wait for him to call, invite you somewhere, touch you, ask you questions about yourself... You let him create the safe place with you instead of you forcing him to feel safe in a way that will never make him feel comfortable feeling safe.

Now... when he does come toward you, you have to be open to his advances. This doesn't mean you have to always be happy with every measly morsel he hesitantly dishes out. You can still be upset at him for not having called or having dismissed your feelings about something. You just have to make sure that when you open up about negative feelings, you are still making room for him to come closer. You are still allowing him to make good on his mistakes and to comfort you. So no blaming, no silent treatment, no screaming, no foot-stomping, no pouting...

If he doesn't want to hear your feelings or doesn't care about your feelings (out of a sense of rejection or simply out of selfish indifference) you have to still remain firm in not rewarding him for bad behavior. In other words, if he ignores your feelings, you don't do or say anything loving back! Even if he ignores you for weeks afterward! You simply wait, siting on your hands for as long as if takes, for him to approach you again, and, if you are still upset, AGAIN you state your feelings. This will show him that you are not a pushover and this will make him see that loving you requires accountability and structure.

Accountability and structure will actually make him feel more trusting of you and safer to come closer.

If he comes toward you in a loving way and you are happy to see him and have his attention, then you have to "MELT" into his advances. Say "thank you" to his compliments, or "mmm. that's so yummy" when he touches you in a way that feels yummy. It's a reward system where you are rewarding him with appreciation and love when he does something good for you and your relationship.

Loving an emotionally unavailable man is difficult. It's wearing on your soul and it can end up hurting you a lot. Many unavailable men cheat or find ways to always stay distant emotionally. Some never fully feel comfortable coming close, even when they trust you. This is because closeness is so foreign for them, it's uncomfortable to the point of irritable and they would rather just end up doing what feels more natural.

Some men ARE capable of real closeness and true intimacy. They just need a li'l inspiration to get back to that place. Sometimes a man comes on strong and then backs out and we label him a commitment-phobe. But that isn't always true. He may just not have the tools to communicate what he needs and why things aren't working for him so he just backs away silently instead.

Kristina is the author of a powerful eProgram for women entitled, Inspire His Love for You. If you are interested in learning what it takes to enchant an emotionally distant man, check out her website relationshipadviceinspirehisloveforyou.com/theprogram/, and learn all about the program. It will show you how to: Communicate with a man about your feelings to open him up to discussing his feelings; open your heart more to live more freely in the moment and in your body as the kind of free-spiritied, sensual woman a man is hopelessly drawn to; heal insecurities and fears that make you feel you have to "pull" him toward you when he distances himself... and much, much more. The program is a guide back to love and togetherness.

Providing quality reviews, articles and writings on love, dating, relationships and marriage online.

Source: http://matchmakingforbloomers.blogspot.com/2012/08/how-to-connect-with-emotionally.html

barry larkin jay z new song torrie wilson alabama lsu bcs national championship bcs championship bcs national championship 2012